Just One Day In Your Arms

If I could spend one day in your arms I'd tell you all-
The secrets and feelings and emotions that run deep. I'll pour out my soul, explain each step you've taken into making me whole.

I'd lie in your arms and show you the world through my eyes. The pain and suffering I try so desperately to hide. The fear and the ice and the burns. The death and rebirth of my humanity, and its rebirth I owe to you.

I'll stroke your face with the tips of my fingers, let it trail down your soft skin. Whisper to you nothing that's really everything. My favorite color, my 5 year old Teddy, the park I used to play in, my very first A. The falls and the trips to the nurse. The Spongebob Squarepants bandages that would temporarily take the pain away. The trees I'd climb, the dragons I'd slay. My short lived joys, my wishes upon stars. My color books and magic marker pens. My acne ridden, braces wearing 6th grade friends. Pinky promises that we'll remain tight till the end.

Into your ear I'll whisper the truth of my broken dreams. The tears I shed and the hatred I fed-to every bone in my body and therein it was placed. Deep rooted despair mixed with perverse satisfaction. A person as terrible as me deserves the pain, I'd tell myself over and over again. I'll cover your mouth with my lips as you shout out "no", that everyone deserves happiness. I'll gently lift myself away and tell you, "let me finish."

Straight into your eyes I'll stare, like daggers striking its target, I'll bore my eyes into yours. While your arms are my protection, your body-my home, I'll allow you to see my life played out like it's on the silver screen. You will witness the darkness, the sadness, the confusion, the suicide attempts. The anger, the frustration, the hate, the red. Blood, blood, blood, pouring out of torn flesh.
The hesitation I felt when you walked into my life-I can't love, so I don't deserve being loved. The anxiety when you would text me every night and wish me sweet dreams, my surprise when sweet dreams would come, my nonchalance when they were chased away. My eventual acceptance and breakage of walls, the sudden floodlight that blinded my heart.

See, my heart was freed, and because of it, I loved. Loved and loved and loved. Finding out I have a lot of me to give, and wanting to give more.

And happiness-lots and lots of happiness. Staggering happiness, intoxicating happiness, dazed happiness, delirious happiness, all sorts of happiness, but mainly blissfully-contently-at-peace happiness.
Happy happy happy.
You taught me how to be happy.

I'd lie there in your arms and laugh as comprehension dawned onto you-that I love you with everything that makes me, me.
I'll meet your lips again to force down the questions. Release all ounce of my frequently repressed passion, explore you with my tongue.

Worlds and planets and universes will melt away.

If I could spend but one day in your arms I'll tell you all-
The truth behind the lies you continuously hear.